Whose life is it anyway?

A Moment of High Resolve

whoselifeisitanyway — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:56:19 +0000

Yesterday I attended a friend’s birthday celebration. It was a lovely gathering of beautiful beings celebrating my magical friend, Chopsy. It’s no surprise that it was a loving and authentic group, as Chopsy is truly an angel of love, YES, compassion, and heartfelt expression. Inside of me I had this vision of improvising a birthday song for her. Chopsy and I have been in an improv troupe together for more than 10 years, so we have a long history of offering our gifts to each other in the form of inspired song. I even had our 2 other improv compatriots at my side to support my urge.

There was a pause in the “sharing of expressions”; a perfect opportunity to burst forth into song, when instead of stepping in and listening to my inspiration, I got a little scared and let the moment pass. All through the next day the chorus of that never expressed song ran through my head; “Chopsy, oh Chopsy, you’ve got the love light in your eyes.”

That moment has past. There is no use lamenting it, but I am remembering it because it has led me to a moment of high resolve. I know that one of the greatest gifts I have been given to share is the gift of inspired song. This gift has resonated deeply in my soul for as long as I can remember, and yet when I was young and imagining this magical world of singing with others from my deepest inspiration, I hadn’t yet developed the skills to bring this vision forth.

Music is a divine and magical way to connect and share with others in a way that honors individual expression as well as the qualities of listening, cooperation, balance, and harmony. As I believe that the world needs these qualities now, I am declaring in this moment that I am a minister of inspired music! By this I mean that part of my purpose is to create and bring forth opportunities and structures that support people to tap into their natural musical abilities as a manifestation of the full bodied expression of joy, listening, cooperation, balance, and harmony. I am going to pay more attention to the call of Spirit tapping my shoulder to step up and be the invitation for the joyous expression of music.

In fact, during the last 2 weeks I’ve already been actively involved in creating and implementing an inspired musical structure to support a completion ceremony for a 2-year core principles course I’m completing this weekend. I’m going to continue in my leadership role for this event, and will create a space for myself and others to divinely express their deepest truths to music. After all, that’s part of what I’m here to do! And I’m definitely going to sing that song for Chopsy. I already know the chorus, and she deserves to know that I see that love light shining from her beautiful eyes.

Have you had any moments of high resolve lately? Below is a quote that I find inspirational.

Love,
Todd

Postscript: 6/22/2009
It’s been a week and a half since I declared that I am a minister of inspired music, and I’m getting great results! Last week Um…Gee…Um and I improvised Chopsy her birthday song and I sang an inspired song for my completion ceremony at Inner Light Ministries. Then this weekend I was at a Solstice event, and as the musicians were playing I got up with my friend Bonnie and started improvising sounds and melodies to go along with the band. Soon the band started incorporating our melodies into theirs, and we played together in joyous harmony! Then on Saturday night I was at an event where disco diva Thea Austin was performing some of my favorite dance tracks from the 90’s. I was right in front of the stage singing along when she pulled me up on stage and handed me her mic! I am having so much fun with singing, creativity, and saying YES, and I am so clear that the power of intent and declaration are amazing tools for co-creation and manifestation. What are you willing to declare as your gift to bring forth in this world?

My Moments of High Resolve

Keep fresh before me the moments of my high resolve.

Despite the dullness and barrenness of the days that pass, if I search with due diligence, I can always find a deposit left by some former radiance. But I had forgotten. At the time it was full-orbed, glorious, and resplendent. I was sure that I would never forget. In the moment of its fullness, I was sure that it would illumine my path for all the rest of my journey. I had forgotten how easy it is to forget.

There was no intent to betray what seemed so sure at the time. My response was whole, clean, and authentic. But little by little, there crept into my life the dust and grit of the journey. Details, lower-level demands, all kinds of cross currents — nothing momentous, nothing overwhelming, nothing flagrant — just wear and tear. If there had been some direct challenge –a dear-cut issue — I would have fought it to the end, and beyond.

In the quietness of this place, surrounded by the all-pervading Presence of God, my heart whispers: Keep fresh before me the moments of my High Resolve, that in fair weather or in foul, in good times or in tempests, in the days when the darkness and the foe are nameless or familiar, I may not forget that to which my life is committed.

Keep fresh before me the moments of my high resolve.

From The Inward Journey (p 47)
By Howard Thurman

An offering to restore harmony, trust, safely and connection

whoselifeisitanyway — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:44:48 +0000

Dear Friends,
I love generating and living in an atmosphere of trust, deep connection, and authenticity and strongly believe that we all have so much to contribute to others in our communities. Sometimes, though, we all experience breakdowns in our communities where trust is broken and pain surfaces. From this place it can be difficult to rebuild trust, and sometimes we are less skillful than we’d like to be in this process.

Because of my deep commitment to harmony, I have been studying a unique method of conflict resolution that can easily be used in organizations, schools, businesses, or even families. It’s called Restorative Justice Circles, and a year and a half ago a few of my friends and I from Non-Violent Communication Santa Cruz formed Santa Cruz Restorative Justice Circles to study and bring this method of peacemaking to Santa Cruz. We’ve held Circles in several local organizations and schools, and the healing we’ve witnessed has been amazing to me. Now we’re offering an introductory workshop to introduce the ideas and techniques of this method, and I’d love for you to join us! The details are below. And even if this doesn’t interest you at this time, ask me about it the next time you see me! I love sharing my passion for peace with others.

Love,
Todd.

Training in Restorative Justice Circles
Presented by Restorative Justice Circles Santa Cruz

May 2nd, 9:30 am-1 pm,
225 Rooney Street, Santa Cruz

Restorative Justice Circles are an opportunity to bring together a group of people who are wanting a powerful tool to restore harmony, trust, safety, and connection to organizations, schools, businesses, churches, families, or non-profits.

COME AND DISCOVER
· A sustainable conflict resolution system
· A method to bring equality to your group
· A process for self responsibility and empowerment
· An art practiced by indigenous cultures for centuries that is part of your ancient and modern heritage

Organizations are encouraged to send representatives
to experience this work firsthand.

Presented by Restorative Justice Circles Santa Cruz:
Christine King, Jennifer Young, Todd Philips, Vicki Assegued, & SueLynn Estby

$75 TO $25 sliding scale. Pre-registration requested

FOR REGISTRATION PLEASE CONTACT NVCSC AT 831-459-6919 or go online at www.nvcsantacruz.org The event is located above Quaker Meeting House.
For more information, contact me!

What is your deepest intent for 2009?

whoselifeisitanyway — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:31:09 +0000

What is your deepest intent for transformation in 2009?

I had a great Solstice, and marked the transition from darkness to light by allowing and honoring what had passed in the last year. Now with the arrival of the New Year I’m looking forward and asking myself 3 questions.

1. What is my deepest intent for transformation in 2009?
2. What have I been holding onto that might rise up in 2009 as I step into my intent?
3. How am I supporting myself to stand in a place of faith, possibility, and clarity of intent in 2009? What practices or communities will I connect with to support me on my journey?

My current answers to these questions follow. I’d love to see your answers posted in the comments section! This is an opportunity to declare your intent to others, and will support you in manifesting.

(1) What is my deepest intent for my transformation in 2009?
(I write it as though I’m looking back, as if it is already so, so as to align with the intent directly, rather than aligning with the consciousness of “wanting, longing for, or wishing”.)

Spiritual
I stepped much deeper into my Spiritual practice, stewarding my inner light in such a way that it shined more brightly than ever, which supported others to shine their light more boldly too. My humility combined with huge love, Self-expression, and bold and daring acts of faith and oneness were a beacon and strength to many others. In 2009 I was intimately connected to the Spiritual qualities of joy, clarity, wholeness, love, groundedness, humor, connection, balance, awareness, abundance, and ease.

Business
I had my best year yet, as I fully embraced my path, my possibility, and the possibility of others. I taught classes, integrated, had breakdowns, and facilitated many breakthroughs. I marketed myself with ease, as my clarity around my value and purpose increased. I naturally attracted the perfect people to work with, and my Spirit grew and expanded as we walked together on our unfolding, interconnected path.

Money
As I stepped more holistically into my business, the consciousness of abundance flowed through all my money endeavors. My relationship with money got cleaner as I moved through any fears, even among the cultural conversations of limit and scarcity. I found new and fun ways to invest. Javi and I came to deeper understandings and practices in our sharing of money/energy.

House
My house became even more of a beautiful reflection of my life, my hearth, and a wonderful place to commune with loved ones. We had many visitors, who all felt the warmth of our home.

Self expression/Play/Improv
I taught classes in mind body integration, full-bodied expression, play, discovery, and connection, supporting students to connect to their infinitely creative, integrated selves. This fed me hugely, and my self-expressive nature attracted students and clients alike.

Relationships
My relationship with Javi was a core source of my strength, groundedness, joy and learning in my life, as our love matured, expanded, and our communication deepened. As our love became cleaner and less enmeshed, Javi and I found ways to increase our individuation and intimacy while leading separate yet interdependent lives. We reached a deeper level of communication as our listening grew more attuned, and we developed more spaciousness in our relationship. The level of consciousness in our conversations took a huge leap, as we found ways to move through past resentments.
I deepened my connections and interdependence with my many communities as I stepped deeper onto both leadership and fellowship roles. My sense of community evolved as I touched and was touched by so many.

Health
My health was vibrant, as my integration as a human being continued and my body discovered more ease and resiliency in the world. I gained consistency and expertise in choosing, generating, and resonating with energies of love.

(2) What have I been holding onto that might rise up in 2009 as I step into my intent?
In 2009 many unhealed and seemingly separate parts of my consciousness revealed themselves as opportunities to move through and integrate further. My fears around money and scarcity surfaced as I continued to work with and shift my relationship to my income, budget, and investments in ways that are in more alignment with my truth. False beliefs and old patterns of resentment rose up as others mirrored my old unmet needs, pain, and false sense of separation. I felt hopeless and stuck sometimes, as old limiting beliefs found familiar paths in my neo cortex. I felt feelings of guilt, shame, and low self worth rise up, along with other parts of my humanity as I created more space for healing and practiced integrating these parts and generating myself from my true Essence. The result of letting go and moving through these places was transformational.

(3) How am I supporting myself to stand in a place of faith, possibility, and clarity of intent in 2009? What practices or communities will I connect with to support me on my journey?
My daily integration practice deepened as I continued to play with contemplative movement, energy work, somatic repertory integration, tai chi, exercise, journaling, prayer, meditation, study, Real Play, contact improvisation, music, and many other integrative practices. I ate healthy food and treated my body as the temple it is. I took on the stewarding of my inner life force, and with the consciousness of gratitude and reverence, naturally stepped deeper into the process of honoring my Self.
I deepened my study and practice of Spiritual understanding through Inner Light Ministries. I danced myself whole and balanced on a regular basis at dance church, dance jams, and many other classes and gatherings. My voice carried me to connection as I took part in singing circles, bonfires, shows, and continued to attract many opportunities for creative expression. I lived and embodied a resounding YES to life through my interactions with my many loves and fellow humans.

What a great 2009! Let’s hear about yours!

Love,
Todd.

What are you doing for the Winter Solstice?

whoselifeisitanyway — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:39:30 +0000

Witness or Puppet?

whoselifeisitanyway — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:36:14 +0000

I’m back! I had a wonderful experience playing The Cat in Seussical. For me it was an experience in embodying being alive, playful, mischievous, and being connected to the power of child-like imagination and possibility. The role also filled my life to the brim, which was a valuable experience of another kind.

Since the show ended I’ve been enjoying having more empty space and rejuvenating my practice of generating spaciousness in my life. My practice involves many modalities, including Contemplative Movement, Feldenkris, Tai chi, Continuum, Zapchen, Somatic Respiratory Integration, prayer and meditation. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, as long as it supports me to move towards presence, awareness and being the witness of my mind rather than it’s puppet.

What I notice as I move into this space is that conversations bubble up from my mind that address areas of my life where I’m currently feeling resistance or incompleteness. Sometimes a situation or event will arise and the process of witnessing it that one time will be enough to allow it to be integrated. Other times the same situation will keep rising up in the empty space. This is a good sign to me that I might be needing to step in further by having a conversation, taking an action, or renewing an intent. The rising up acts like a compass, pointing me in the direction of my unfolding path of wholeness.

This week what arose was a situation with a client who is currently on a break from coaching, but whom I have been spending time and energy thinking about and emailing regarding our coaching and a request of hers. What hit me in that moment of contemplation was that I had been resisting and resenting these exchanges because I had been holding it as though “I shouldn’t have to be involved in these conversations while we’re on break”. As soon as I could see this, I immediately saw through this lie, and a miraculous spaciousness occurred. If I’m leaking power by holding onto my should, then what there is to do is to step into this further and have a conversation that supports clarity, spaciousness, and powerful choice!

My “should” vanished into thin air as my intent became clear and my willingness and capacity expanded exponentially. I can choose to add power and possibility to MY life by following through on my deepest intent. Now that’s a no brainer. For me this process is similar to what happens in coaching; we get out of the mode of “figuring it out”, clear ourselves of any debris getting in the way of our deepest intent, and take action from a place of clarity and ease.

How are you in relationship to thoughts that arise from places of fear, resistance or compulsion? How do you cultivate spaciousness in your life? What is rising up for you these days when you sit as the witness of your mind?

Happy Hollandaise!
Love
Todd.

No breakthroughs without breakdowns!

whoselifeisitanyway — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:35:10 +0000

As the credit crisis has many of us thinking about money issues, this week I decided to declare a breakdown in an area of my life in order to have a breakthrough. The area I was looking for a breakthrough in was around money conversations with other people. It started with noticing an ongoing underlying resentment that I was having with someone regarding a financial arrangement we had. The agreement had been made many years earlier, didn’t make sense to me, and simply wasn’t working for me anymore. I realized that by avoiding stepping into this conversation, I was having an ongoing internal conversation that was robbing us both of connection and wasn’t meeting my need for having a balanced and intimate relationship.

I declared the breakdown, and decided to have a conversation with this person. That’s when the fun began! Everything that had gotten in my way of having this conversation began coming up. I heard the voices of justification supporting the changing of our arrangement, and felt the fears of being judged as unfair, tight, selfish, and greedy come reeling upon me. I realized that this is what I had been hoping to avoid by not having this conversation, and I could see how I was avoiding those same feelings around being judged all over my life. The thought occurred, where else could I declare a breakdown with the intent of having more integrity, connection, and clean and clear agreements around financial arrangements?

In less than a week I declared the same breakdown in my primary relationship, with a house mate, with a relative, and with a client. Every conversation has been a wonderful opportunity to add clarity, integrity, and deep connection to my relationships. Some conversations have been easy, while others I’ve stumbled into less skillfully than I would have liked, or have run into other people’s survival mechanism conversations around money. Some of these conversations are still incomplete. I’m appreciating it all as I step into these tender areas, because I’m feeling the layers peeling away and noticing the freedom that’s possible from the release of old, ineffective strategies. The good news is, the bigger the block is, the more possibility you can access by moving through it!

How are you in conversation with others around money? Is your way of being in these conversations satisfying to you? Are you ready to declare a breakdown? When we let go of our defenses and have connection and “all needs met” as our deepest intent, the powerful results can be surprising!

Ready for a good laugh? Come see me in Seussical next month!

seussicalposter.jpg
Love,
Todd.

I’m retired!

whoselifeisitanyway — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:34:04 +0000

I was talking to a friend today about the practice of living in the present. We were lamenting American’s attachment to control and specific outcomes, as opposed to the practice of living with clear intentions based on our deepest values and commitments with a resounding yes to the naturally unfolding path of what is. I’ve often wondered about “retirement” and what exactly that means to most Americans. Does it mean we stop being actively engaged in our life’s work? Does it mean our values shift? Does it mean that we’ve finally arrived and can now enjoy life?

Those possible interpretations of retirement don’t resonate with me at all. I know I’ll always have many projects that I’ll be involved in, some of which I will receive compensation in dollars for, others of which I won’t, but all of which are a reflection of what I’m up to in this life. Today a new definition of retirement came to me; no longer living a job-centric life.

As soon as this definition occurred to me, I declared,”I’m retired”. I realized in that moment that I had retired several years ago, but that I just hadn’t claimed it yet. Interestingly enough, it was soon after I retired that I took my first regular “job” after 7 years of coaching full time, which is the part time position I currently have as a Case Manager at the Santa Cruz AIDS Project where I support clients and have implemented and am running a Wellness Program.

Are you ready for retirement? Go ahead, claim it! What would shift in your life today if you gave yourself permission to let go of some of your job-centric thinking and simply committed yourself to being engaged in the work that is most important to you? It could be the best career move you ever make!

love,

Todd.

Following your dreams

whoselifeisitanyway — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:33:14 +0000

What exactly does that mean with regard to our night-time dreams? I’ve been having some powerful dreams lately. This morning I was dreaming about a dear friend I met in Taiwan over 20 years ago when I was teaching English there. I was young, in the closet, and in love. He was a dear, straight friend, and the object of my longing. The content of my dream was a replay of an old fantasy. Is that a dream I would choose to follow? Not literally. It doesn’t serve me to fantasize about a changed past. I recognize now that what I was really craving was connection, and my life is abundantly full of that now. I did get a valuable insight though. I woke up with more clarity and perspective regarding that time in my life. This is an example of a dream I don’t choose to follow, but did glean a message from.

The night before I dreamed of a high school reunion. Everyone got 5 minutes to get up and tell everyone about their present life. Everyone had notes and was nervous, which seemed comical to me. Finally someone entered with a defiant tone and spoke his mind. I asked him a couple of revealing questions, and the energy of the room shifted dramatically from one of nervousness and performance to relaxation and authentic connection.

I walked up to a high school classmate and invited him into a deep conversation. It wasn’t about our roles or our history, it was about what was emerging in our lives that’s deeply important to us, and about how we’re bringing ourselves forth. It was about connecting on a deep level and revealing our underlying truths.

This dream speaks deeply to my vision. My vision revolves around having deep, revealing, connecting conversations with people in which a clearing is created for our deeper truths to emerge. This vision is showing up all over my life, especially in my interactions with friends and acquaintances.

Now that is a dream worth following! I’m going to call that old classmate and invite him to have that conversation.

love,
Todd.

I will not judge today.

whoselifeisitanyway — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:32:25 +0000

I’ve been noticing a pattern of judgment in my life lately. I am so passionate about the process of raising my consciousness and supporting others to do the same. I see circumstances and low levels of consciousness in the world, our government, my workplace, my church,… and I get really frustrated with wanting things to be different. It’s at these times when I feel a tightness in my chest and body and hear voices of judgment in my head. I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been speaking from that judgmental place, and putting out that energy all over my life. I know that speaking from a place of judgment doesn’t support the results I’m wanting, and so I am now willing to declare that my current strategies are not working for me.

I think it’s important to make the distinction between frustration and judgment. Frustration is what I’m feeling in those moments. Judgment is an old ineffective strategy I have for dealing with my frustration. It comes from wanting to feel powerful and effective and in control. It comes from the past. It isn’t working.

I know that one of the best things I can do to support myself to not get caught in this trap is to cultivate spaciousness. I am declaring today that I will not judge! When I’m in that stuck place I will allow and speak my emotions without the judgmental thoughts.

I am also committed to embracing all levels of consciousness, not just the higher, more spacious ones that I am so fond of. It is only in the embracing of what is that change is possible. It is through acceptance that intention can be manifested. That is the path that I am choosing.

Where is judgment showing up in your life? Is it working?

love,

Todd.

Communication Blocks

whoselifeisitanyway — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:31:34 +0000

I’ve noticed that one of the most common sources of communication blocks occurring in my life is when I am trying to be understood in a conversation when the other person is hurting. Whenever I do this, it seems that the conversation breaks down into a contest where we are each focused primarily on our own needs. I’ve been working to change this for a while, and the results have been great! It comes down to one simple practice; when I notice that the other person is hurting, I seek to understand them before attempting to be heard.

By being conscious about this it’s like flipping a switch inside me, where suddenly I stop competing and start really putting my attention on getting the other person. When the other person feels like they’ve been heard, that I’ve stayed connected to them, and they’ve expressed their feelings, then they’re much more likely to be open to hearing about my feelings and needs.

I find it nice to mark the transition very clearly. I repeat back what I’ve heard, and then I might ask, “Do you have anything else you’d like for me to understand?” If the answer is no, then I might even ask, “Are you open to hearing me feelings and needs around this?”

I know that I am committed to being with people in a way that honors all of us, and that recognizes that we are all doing the best we can expressing our needs. Many of us learned to fight for our needs by using strategies that are not in line with our current values. These strategies are merely habits waiting to be updated in ways that serve us all. Those of you that know me personally can help me practice this commitment!

How are you committed to being with people?

Love,
Todd